Fangala the Flying Feline

This just gets more incredible. It's like your writing made an overnight shift. The dream scene was swift and suspenseful, and your character's emotions deepen with each chapter. My only ...

Ha, very cool. I think your dialogue is becoming more realistic. Just a couple suggestions for this part. Coffee is not "immensely" hot. "Immensely" refers to something being huge or ...

Oh, one more thing. Why would Christian tell his parents about his strange encounter? Is he very close to them? Most teenagers avoid their parents like the plague, so if ...

I like the way this story is developing. However, you need to work on showing and not telling. We know that Christian hates John's guts. But you don't need to ...

OH MY GOD! *keels over with laughter* You are a truly talented comedian! The line about going pee nearly killed me. I love poems that smack you in the face ...

Chapter Three: Melted I did wake up. But not before a terrible, uncomfortable sleep in which meaningless phrases rolled through my head. “Last one…Courage didn’t win…only delaying the inevitab

I like how the first sentence is an exclamation. Your writing flows nicely, but you need to space it. Jena Night...what an awesome name! You make the reader wonder about ...

Chapter Two is up now; you can check out my profile to read it. Faith thanks you all for the comments!

Incredible, incredible! It makes me purr. :D You've really got rhyming poetry down, which I love. Inspiring imagery, lots of emotions, um...I really can't say anything bad about this!

This is NOT bad! I really enjoyed this; the lamp idea is wonderfully creative and intriguing. You did a good job with Dani's voice, making her sound like a real ...

I'm sorry to say this didn't stick with me. You over-used the word "proud" and your rhyme scheme needs work; it sounds forced. Also, you should give concrete examples. Like, ...

Um...yeah. Pretty much human and rabbit-dog hybrid. Very cute and cuddly. I'll try to post a picture or something, but beyond Word, I'm not the most computer-literate person. Thanks for ...

Here's chapter two...obviously. Anyway, if you haven't read the intro and prologue yet, you probably should. Otherwise you'll be reading this story with one question in the back of your ...

This is beautiful! Why hasn't anybody responded to this yet? I love your imagery--how the snow was "virgin white" and it flew like spirits. Honestly, I don't have any complaints. ...

Muchas gracias for the comments! Sorry that this is so rushed; I can fix that. And Seraph, thanks for the idea of going more into Faith's head. I didn't even ...